Wheres the JOY?!?!

So over the years I have grown to detest Christmas. Not the morning of, nothing makes me happier than to see joy in my families faces, but the whole mindset that surrounds it. I was raised in the church and strongly believe that the reason for the celebration is the birth of Jesus but somewhere along the way that thought has been buried under presents, schedules, and the human desire to use "stuff" instead of word or deed to express emotion. The joys of the holiday have been replaced by violence over cheap tvs, stress to make sure we find THE thing for kids, and the pressures we put on ourselves to scramble about making sure we dont miss a thing. I dont remember these things in my childhood. Some of that was due to the oblivion of youth but I also believe that things have simply gotten worse as generations progress from childhood into what we now call "adults". Christmas was magical. Christmas music blaring from the day of the first snowfall, the second Saturday of December dedicated to putting up the tree with full decor, and the calm serenity of our candle lit Christmas eve service all grace the chambers of my memory. Feeling calm and thankful for my wonderful family are feelings I remember with great ferocity. Ferociously calm, think about that one for a while.

Now I am not unaware of the fact that things change when the tables turn. I go from joyous receiving to joyous giving, or something like that. I love giving. I love seeing joy on faces and knowing that in some way I had a hand in providing that emotion. If it were only that simple. Or is it that simple? Are we our own biggest enemies when it comes to this time of year? My wife, Jill, and I have gone round for round, blow for blow on this very topic. She loves to give. It is her way of showing emotion, showing love. She is not an overly affectionate woman so when the time comes she goes waist deep into it because she wants to show her love for our kids. The argument always goes to quality vs. quantity, physical "stuff" for emotional response, and on and on and on... I never win and after 13 years I have conceded the point and have regulated my response to one good tyrade for the cause then go back to my cave to be the Grinch until Christmas morning.

Wheres the Joy? How do I find it? Is it even there to be found. I am a geocacher(nearly professional) I am good at finding things, this should be easy. HA! I looked high and low. I went to the stores, and let me tell you for someone who hates shopping on any given Tuesday in April, this was a stretch. Joy in the faces of shoppers? Nope. In the folks walking in and out of the stores? Nope. The Santa dressed guy ringing a bell for spare change outside? Nope. The only joy I was able to find was that of the employees who were simply grateful to have a job this holiday season. I went to the churches, because surely the folks who have eternal life shored up are going to be joyous and celebrating the reason they will spend eternity in fellowship with their savior. Nope. They sat their with melancholy glances and half welcoming greetings to one another. The pastor tried his best to convey the joy but they just didn't seem to get it. Then comes the music. The worship time and those tunes we have listened to since our childhood began to echo throughout the building. My joy needle pegged! I was brought to tears. Surely this would ignite these folks... Nope. The guy at the end of the pew continued to sleep, the lady across the way kept updating her Twitter, and my "full tank" emptied almost as fast as it filled. Where is the Joy?! So now the only place I could turn to was my own home. Well this year my home is in our Explorer as we are in the middle of a PCS move over the holidays. This should be good. The "joys" of Christmas now packed into one vehicle with 2000+ miles of road in front of us and stops to family along the way. Holy bananas!! Well joy is in the oblivion of our children and at this point I will take what I can get. They are glad to see the cousins, glad that Christmas morning is fast approaching, and that even though we are "homeless" we are going to still rock some of the McGlynn family traditions. Christmas eve will find us around the TV watching "The Christmas Story". Christmas morning will be a little different due to our location but there will still be cinnamon rolls cooking and I will torture them by making them stay put in their room until I am ready with coffee(I am always ready far before they wake up but I like to torture them...my joy!). So where is the Joy? I am not sure but I am going to keep looking. Where is yours? How do you find Joy in this time of year? I believe the responses will all be the same. We find it in ourselves and that satisfies us for the one month a year we go through these shenanigans. But at some point that will falter as well so with that I will issue a challenge to all of you. Spread the joy. Find a way to share the things that make you feel the Joy of this holiday. How you do that is up to you and I hope its not with giving people "stuff". Give of yourselves, give of your families, and be well! Merry Christmas everyone. I pray blessings of love and JOY to you and your families this holiday season

A Heavy Heart

Its late and I am restless. The only outlet I know of at this time is here. I was hurt today. I was hurt today more so than I can recall in memory. I am in MI attending the death of my wife's father. A great man.  My wife is hurting and I am supposed to be here strong and steady, listening and caring, composed and collected. Not so much. I wanted to do this together. Hand in hand, side by side. But  she had other plans. I was set in the corner. I was place on the sidelines I was given the role of water boy when I wanted to be a starter. I didnt want to be in charge or have a voice I just wanted to be there. She didnt want me. She didnt want me with her. I felt all but invisible as I was introduced as Jill's husband, not by my wife but by her sister. I cant describe how much that has shaken me. I caught a glimpse of something that put me in a place I have never been. Feeling as though my connections and my family were not even a thought. I had thought out of all the family her and I were the strongest most put together. I watched her sister and her husband walk hand in hand tonight, say their good-byes, move as a team. She didnt even want me there. I was left to mourn the loss of a loved one on my own. Lonliness is terrible thing. For a person who was brought up with the value of family and cherishing the people you were blessed to call as such, being lonley in a room of people just didnt make sence. I know he wasnt my Dad. I know the loss wasnt for MY father but damnit let me in. Let us in. The kids and I are going to have to do this alone and I am so scared. I have been scared for a long time. I am in love with this woman and want to walk down this road of life with no one else but tonight showed me she doesnt feel the same way. Her thoughts are different and I dont know how to cope with that. My heart is heavy tonight and mind will not allow me to rest. I have to get through tomorrow and be the man in the corner again. I dont know where the strength to do that will come from but I will try. I want to hear her say I need you, I need my family, but I dont think that will come. I will try to rest but I believe this attempt to be futile. Until next time, goodnight.

The next generation- an exploration into music 2011

 I am very proud to say I have passed on the love of music to my children. My own diversified tastes have trickled down to my spawn leading them to listen to the likes of broadway musicals, old time jazz, and modern day pop. However in this tech savvy time we call 2011 I am working twice as hard to keep up with my children and their music exposure. This morning was a prime time for me to play catch up. With all the crew tucked in and sleeping I hit the media with a focus and determination to get a picture of todays music scene. Bouncing between three different "music television" channels, youtube, and iTunes I listened, watched, observed, and took notes. To sum up all my studies in a word I guess I would use "frightened". Here is an additional source of words (thesaurus.com)that applied:

abashed, aghast, alarmed, anxious,apprehensive, aroused, blanched, cowardly,cowed, daunted, discouraged, disheartened,dismayed, distressed, disturbed, faint-hearted,frightened, frozen, have cold feet, horrified, inawe, intimidated, nervous, panic-stricken,perplexed, perturbed, petrified, rattled, runscared, scared, scared stiff, scared to death,shocked, spooked, startled, stunned, suspicious,terrified, terror-stricken, timid, timorous,trembling, upset, worried

It wasn't necessarily the content that bothered me. In today's attitude of no boundary, pleasure seeking, money starved youth, artists like "Ke$ha, Nicki Minaj, and Eminem(not picking on the hip hop realm they are just the names sticking to my brain this morning) cannot say or sing anything that will shock or offend me. The content subject is something I can control and limit exposure(or at least try to) to my kids. What I cant control is the mesh of "pop" music into the world of rock, hip hop, r/b, and even country music.

The fact that artists are crossing lines and expanding boundaries should be a great thing. Something to look forward to right? No. Hell no! Unfortunately the "music" of all these collaborations sound the SAME! There is my fear friends. Losing any and all form of originality. I felt raw sense of loss this morning with the music I was listening to. A merge of electronic tones mixed with unimpressive vocals and scarce instrumentals seems to be the driving trend. Where have the impact artists gone? Where is this generation's Madonna, Michael Jackson, Miles Davis, The rolling stones or Van Halen? Lil Wayne and Lady Gaga are not going to cut it.Where can we begin to find a Roberta Flack, Eric Clapton or John Lennon? Katy Perry, Bruno Mars, or Usher? I think not. When children are more likely to pick up a mixing board and computer vs. a trumpet or drum sticks how can we hope to find our new Sachmo, Gene Krupa, or Carter Beauford? Alicia Keys was the closest I could surmise.

There is talent out there. For me to ignore that would be ignorant on a level I am not willing to even think about. There is music being made which is impressive, enjoyable, and creative. However it is getting increasingly harder to find. So how do I hope to change something in which I have no control? By encouragement. Friends and family I am going to ask you to dig. Dig into the world of music and find sources of talent. Seek out that original sound, goose-bump-causing vocal, or sick piano solo. Take the time to listen to the "indie" artist. Then support them! Find the shows, seek out the albums, and expose them to as many people you can!  Encourage your children to listen to everything! Diversify your taste. Lets join together and save the music of today!!